I honestly do not even know where to begin. I am just trying to find a way through all of this. I am scared, sad and angry. My body won't let me lead the life I planned.I have been seriously ill since I was 5 and have had brushes with death since I was 2. I have no idea what it is like to be a healthy person. Sometimes I wonder what I could have achieved had I been given a body that wouldn't try to kill me on a regular basis. Nothing like making plans to make god laugh. The only good thing about never being healthy is that having dermatomyositis is just another thing to contend with. I am not afraid of needles or tests and as I see my fellow patient's in the waiting rooms I see that is a gift. When you feel like I do you are constantly looking for a bright spot. My constant statement these days are " well at least" with which I find a way to see how it could be worse, and there is always a way to see how it could be worse. Now I have never been the person who was always looking to the bright side, but with antidepressants I am able to work on all of this. When I was younger I battled depression a lot, but with medications I began to see how people didn't just wake up in the morning wanting to die. With these meds I am able to take things head on. Now I am working with a therapist so I can contend and break through all of this. I feel like I can have the life I dreamed of one day, but it just will have to look a little different. I know all of this on my logical side, but now no longer denying it and accepting it. I am not there yet but I am getting there. With each treatment I have hope and that is my starting point.
PlugginAlong, it takes courage to speak honestly about the emotional side of living with chronic illness. Thank you for speaking up and letting our other members know that they are not alone in their struggles. Blog anytime you wish to -- we will listen and understand.
It sounds like you have battled a difficult road throughout the years but on a positive note you definitely are a fighter. That is so important when battling chronic diseases and I applaud you for that. Keep up the fight and know that we are here to listen and help one another. Sending strength and support your way!